i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
