guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
