Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
