if i can run in heels then i can drive
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
