She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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