Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
