Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
