cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
