a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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