I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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