Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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