So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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