i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Quick, to the slutcave!
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
