We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
i think im in europe. pls send help
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
