i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
