found the other keg... it's in the tree
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
