I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
