I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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