I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
