i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
