I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
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They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
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So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect