Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!