somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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