Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
27 Reasons Why Men Need To Moan More During Sex
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE