he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.