I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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