i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize