I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
