I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
