I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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