If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
