from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
