i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
