why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
