Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I lost the right to judge tonight
When are your genitals available?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize