I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
