The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
