I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Send help, water and tortillas.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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