Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
