Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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