I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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