i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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