I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
