sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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