dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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