my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
