My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Randomize
