does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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