I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
