i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
