He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
