go do what you do best...puke behind churches
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
