If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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