I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
