Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
