Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
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While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
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It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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