Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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