your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
