did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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