i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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