yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
