He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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