Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
