I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
