Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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