I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
