you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
