Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
