what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
