when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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