i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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