i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
sex in a hospital.. check
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
