My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
you made out with another girl for some wings
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
