So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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