He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
