Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
