don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
