Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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