i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
