Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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