Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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