he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
