I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
There's always time for handjobs
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
