Do you still have your period?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
