no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
