Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
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