Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
