I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
