i barfeds in our rink
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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