i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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