My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
